1. Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.
  2. Random Fact About Me…I’m crazy. I’m funny. I’m cute. I’m brave. I’m cheerful. I’m annoying. I’m just me & I like it like that!
  3. Condoms prevent minivans.
  4. That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
  5. Interesting Factoid:Facebook causes you to overestimate how happy your friends are, and therefore might make you more depressed!
  6. Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.
  7. LIKE if you had one of those pens with a million colors, and tried to push all the buttons at once.
  8. Endangered Species: Nice people.
  9. Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
  10. We fear rejection, want attention, crave affection and dream of perfection.
  11. Too many girls want attention, not enough want respect!
  12. LIKE IF you say “never mind” when you don’t feel like repeating yourself.
  13. That annoying moment when you close the wrong tab. 
  14. I’d rather beat my remote to make it work, then change the batteries!


Great Status Posts for Facebook:

  • Life is like Facebook. People will LIKE your problems & comment, but no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
  • Those scenarios you make up in your head when you start to like someone.
  • Endangered Species: Nice people.
  • You can never break free from the chains if you never push your limits.
  • Always finish what you sta
  • I hate when someone asks for a bite of my food and almost eats all of it.
  • Who else had one of those pens with a million colors, and tried to push all the buttons at once?
  • Every time I get a birthday card with money in it, I pretend not to notice the money and “read” the card. 
  • Facebook: where the normal people pretend to be crazy and the crazy people pretend to be normal. And we all fail miserably.
  • I bet the “YMCA” dance is a lot harder to do in Chinese.
  • Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
  • If someone from the future’s reading this: this is how we used to waste our time in the past.
  • Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
  • It’s not pretty being easy.
  • Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
  • My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.  
  • The awkward moment when your foot falls asleep so you just stomp around like a dinosaur.


15 GREAT Status Update Ideas for Facebook:

  1. LIKE if you have like 50 t-shirts but you only wear 7 of them and complain that you have no clothes.
  2. I used to wonder what it’d be like to read other people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account, and I’m over it.
  3. “I can park here because my hazards are on.” Seems legit.
  4. That awkward moment when santa has the same wrapping paper as your mom.
  5. Turning off the lights downstairs and running upstairs so no one kills you.
  6. When you were little, if you ran UP the slide and made it, you were so cool. LIKE if you agree.
  7. Friends → Crush → Relationship → True Love
  8. WARNING: Unhealthy relationships may cause headaches, stress & a waste of your time. The cure for this is to be single.
  9. That awesome moment when you open a jar everyone else was struggling with.
  10. Lick your lips 3 times , blink once, & keeps your eyes wide open until you LIKE this & I bet you will sneeze or yawn.
  11. 10 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, and a Facebook… When I was 10, I felt cool with my new markers.
  12. It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home.
  13. That amazing moment when you overhear a random stranger compliment your looks.
  14. I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem WITHOUT caffeine. 
  15. ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Waiting for my crush to stop playing games
  16. Accept your past without regrets, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear.
Pick any number. Now, double it. Add 10. Divide it by 2. Then subtract it by the number you first thought of. Its always gonna be 5!!

Girls are like apples. Boys pick up the rotten ones at the bottom because they're easier. You have to wait for the one brave enough to climb up the tree for you



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